Blog
Healing Aspirational Shame: One Mormon Woman's Journey
It wasn’t until my early teens that I recognized the dilemma that I was facing. I wanted a lot for my life, for my career, for my creative expression. I knew that I wanted to pursue a helping profession and that I wanted to express myself through songwriting and singing. But because I had internalized the message that a woman’s role was to sacrifice for her family, I started believing that my aspirations were not good, and not of God. I was hearing that God wanted me to be a wife and a mother, and I knew that that was true, but I wanted other things for my life, too. I began to wonder and eventually believe that something was wrong with me for having such strong creative desires and educational and professional aspirations. Did I have to choose between having a family and having a career?
Building Resilience During the Pandemic: The Mom Show Podcast
I recently had the opportunity to discuss how moms can build resilience during the pandemic with Lindsay Aerts of The Mom Show. Living through a pandemic can increase stress and anxiety as moms face challenges such as canceled plans, loss of childcare, and isolation. Resilience is what helps us get through these and other difficult situations.
Mormons and Shame: When You Feel You Don't Measure Up to the Ideal
There is nothing wrong with teaching ideals and one could argue that that is the primary job of religious institutions. However, in real life, holding up ideals often leaves members never feeling “good enough” because they have not achieved the ideal righteous Mormon life. Chronic feelings of “never good enough” because your life doesn’t look like an Ensign magazine cover, your child has left the Church, your spouse isn’t committed to church callings, you’re struggling with the word of wisdom, you’re having difficulty forgiving someone, you’re not a good provider, or you’re not an attentive mother or father, can erode our whole sense of self.
When it Comes to Parenting, Worry is Not Love
One aspect of any good relationship is a sense of concern for the other person’s well-being. Parenting is no exception. It’s common to want to shield your child from pain, mistakes, and heartache and to foster happiness and success. However, as your child grows, the stakes get higher, and your control over their safety and their choices diminishes drastically. To deal with this lack of control, parents may turn to worrying (unease or anxiety over real or potential problems) as a consolation.
Our Definition of "Good Mothering" is Bad For Mental Health
Preparing to be a “good mother” is emphasized in Primary, Young Women’s, and continues as a central thread woven throughout Relief Society lessons and discussions. Unfortunately, it turns out that many of our beliefs about “good mothering” are correlated with poor maternal mental health. When I first read findings from a study published in The Journal of Child and Family Studies that suggest that five specific beliefs about mothering–essentialism, fulfillment, stimulation, challenging, and child-centered–are correlated with poorer mental health among mothers with young children, I thought to myself, “These beliefs align with how we, in America, and in LDS culture define good mothering!”